John was away on a course this week, it’s not out of the ordinary, this is one of the changes that has occurred over the past 6 months. Once a month John goes away to help deliver a course.
It just so happened that this course was only a 45 minute drive away so he was able to come home late and leave early every morning. So he’s been leaving at 7 and back at 7 monday, 6.30 tuesday and away overnight on wednesday, back at normal time ‘ish’ on thursday. It’s not a big deal. I get it and we’ve agreed that this is a good thing for him to be doing and I can manage.
However, normally when John is away Monday to Thursday he has a lieu day on the Friday. For me, this makes up for me having to manage the girls and household while he has been away.
This week he didn’t have one. He left for work this morning saying he thought he wouldn’t be there for long, he was tired after the course so he’ll let me know. I hadn’t heard anything so I emailed him asking what he was going to do. He’s staying. Things are busy. He might leave a bit early.
Is it selfish and completely over the top to be annoyed, I ask myself? I’m frustrated that I have had to put the same amount of effort into feeding the girls, managing the house and all the day to day tasks that I would normally do when he’s away for the week as I have had to do this week.
It’s not a case of having or not having the lieu day today. If it’s not offered to him for doing this most recent course, because the hours weren’t as long as they normally are, I can’t complain it’s not his fault. However, those exceptions this time around have made little difference to my experience of John doing this course, other than not being alone to sleep.
I don’t feel this is recognized though. I am a silent party in all of this. And the fact that the excuse in the email is that things are really busy at work drove the nail in the coffin for me. This is your home life which you have been away from since monday. Things are busy here.
Perhaps it is the lack of acknowledgement, perhaps it is the feeling as though he could have pushed for a lieu day or my feeling that he still deserved one or at least something in return for working outside the ‘norm’.
Because what do I get? What do I get in return for caring for and managing everything at home that allows John to go away and be involved in the course that he does.
Grrrr! Rant over. I feel better now.
It’s now a day later and I’ve calmed down – ha! And clearly this was what was going on in relation to my last post.
A lot of this is out of his hands, I do appreciate that. I know it isn’t what he would choose. I guess it’s hard to hear excuses, as they offer me little consolation for the reality of the situation. It’s sad to say I almost rather he had been away this week as he normally is. I would then feel my situation when he is away is more recognized and appreciated by his day off in lieu – I get a break and hand with the girls that day. They get a day with their dad.
Anyway, I’ve shared all this with John now, so I don’t feel so guilty about posting all this and I’ve got it off my chest. I also feel in a better place because I’m not just being reactionary. I’ve given myself time to ‘cool off’ and think about it. I guess it really comes down to feeling understood and appreciated for what I go through when John goes, or works late.
So I guess if I wrote this post now about it all. It would be written in a much different light, but I’ve left it as the original – I guess to remind myself that emotions are transient and it’s ok. Sharing and being honest with John about what I was thinking and feeling meant we could work through it together. I have to remind myself that he isn’t in my head to know how i’m being affected by things and I’m not in his head to know how he is either. Our actions aren’t the whole picture in understanding where we are each ‘at’. There were apologies and explanations on both sides and I believe we’re only stronger and better for that.